Sometimes I look at relationships today and wonder when love became so closely connected to cars, expensive clothes, phones, restaurants, vacations and constant financial expectations.
Money matters. Nobody should pretend otherwise. Life is expensive, especially in Nigeria. The problem begins when one person's income quietly becomes the foundation of another person's lifestyle.
This is why I would be careful dating a woman who is not working.
Being unemployed is not automatically a character flaw. Someone can lose a job, graduate and still be searching, start a business that has not taken off or genuinely be going through a difficult season.
What matters is what she is doing about it.
If she is unemployed but applying for jobs, learning something, building a business, taking small opportunities and genuinely trying to become financially independent, that is completely different from someone who has simply decided that her boyfriend is now her source of income.
Because once there is no personal income and there is also no serious effort to create one, the bills naturally start moving in your direction.
“Babe, I need transport.”
“Babe, I need data.”
“Babe, my hair is due.”
“Babe, I need to buy something.”
“Babe, I have not eaten.”
“Babe, my rent is coming.”
Before long, you are no longer dating. You are running a small government.
The dangerous part is that constant spending can eventually become normal. The first ₦20,000 feels generous. After some months, ₦50,000 becomes normal. Then ₦100,000 is no longer appreciated because it has become part of the expected lifestyle.
A man can love a woman and still refuse to become her permanent financial plan.
Personally, I would rather be with a woman who earns little but is seriously trying to improve her situation than one who earns nothing, does nothing and simply expects a man to keep funding everything.
The same principle applies to men too.
Love should make you want to build together, not make one person permanently responsible for the survival and lifestyle of the other.
Because in Nigeria, if you date someone with no income, no plan and no serious effort to change the situation, the billing may eventually become the relationship.
