So I moved into this new neighborhood with my heavy Ghana-Must-Go bag. All my life properties — pot, bucket, sponge, wrapper, everything — I squeezed inside one bag like sardine.
The next day, I was cooking jollof rice. I tied wrapper like village woman, sweating on top of my small stove, when I noticed my new male neighbor passing.
Omo, the guy kept looking at me with sexy eyes. He has the face of Chike Dike and the body of GheGhe. Na only him face I fit manage look.
He said, "Fine girl, I dey do POS for that corner, make you dey patronize me."
I said, "Oga, I don hear."
Then he asked for my number. I said, "Ah ah! You dey ask me out or you want make I patronize your POS?"
He said, "No, I just want make we be friends since we be neighbors."
Oga dey use style dey toast me. I no blame am. Which man go see fine babe like me — hot face, banging body — and ignore temptation? Out of pity, I gave him my number.
The next day, I decided to pay him a visit. As I entered, first thing I did was scan his house — interior and exterior. Of course, a lady must analyze a guy's assets before entering.
We were gisting, then he asked, "You get boyfriend?"
I said, "Which kind yeye question be that?" I blew one better lie, "My boyfriend dey Canada."
He said he just wants to be friends. I said, "No problem, sir."
As I stood up to wear my slippers, I noticed how he lost focus and started staring at my big ikebe. Anytime I catch his sexy eyes on my ikebe, he go quickly look away. Even my landlady dey admire my ikebe sometimes, so I no blame am. I ignored the red flag.
From that day, we became good friends. But me, I no dey visit and go empty-handed — na him no dey go empty-handed!
If he buys rice, I go carry bowl, pack small inside my black waterproof nylon and take am home. If he buys beans, same thing. If I need bucket, plate, pot — I go borrow. He planted banana for him compound — I must uproot one anytime I come. If my gas finish, I go borrow him own. The day he bought one bag of garri, I divided it into two — take half, leave half for him.
When heat dey, I go borrow him fan. When water finish, I go borrow him tank. When light no dey, I go borrow him solar.
Omo, I never go hungry since this guy dey around. Na miracle God send me from above! And the guy never reject anything I ask, he never even talk anything lustful to me.
Until ONE DAY.
As that pidgin proverb talk, "Monkey go go market, e no go come back."
That day I went to his house to borrow phone to call someone because airtime don finish for my phone. I entered and the guy was fixing something. He was not wearing shirt, just showing off him bonga fish, lepa body. All I saw was just bones and ribcage. Pure eyesore.
While we were talking, I jokingly said, "You dey work so hard, you no dey taya?"
He said, "I dey work hard because I wan raise money marry wife, women no like poor man."
I said, "Thank God you know."
Then he looked me straight in the eye and said, "If I ask you now make you marry me, you go gree?"
I pretended like I no hear am. Like he was talking to birds. I quickly changed topic.
The guy repeated, "Elizabeth, if I toast you make you be my wife, you go gree?"
Omo! I said, "This guy don dey mad o!. He don dey cross him boundaries!"
I smiled and told him, "E be like say you don high. We go talk later."
I carried my slippers for hand and waka comot.
And that was the last time I ever visited there again.
Friendship ended. Supermarket closed.
