Has the bedroom felt a little boring lately? Perhaps, a hair redundant? You’re not alone. It’s common to hit a wall, so to speak, when you’ve been with the same partner for a minute or two. What starts off as exciting hookups can often become repetitive, simply doing-it-for-the-sake-of-doing-it routines. Maybe you and your partner want to change it up, but you’re both so accustomed to your ways and your positions that you don’t really know where to begin.While there’s no right or wrong answer in liking what you like, sometimes, certain sex moves are simply just overrated.
There are plenty of alternatives to some of the most common positions that can help you and your partner keep things new and exciting in the bedroom, even if you’ve been intimate a million times. And on the other hand, some positions—I’m looking at you, missionary—that might seem “boring” can actually be the most enticing ones, so long as you’re doing them right. We reached out to some sexperts to get their take on sex moves that are overrated, with a few ideas along the way about what to try instead.
Here’s what they had to say.69I remember being in middle school when I first heard of 69ing. I didn’t quite understand it then, and if I’m being honest, I don’t quite understand it now. There’s such a disconnect when performing this move, and it seems like everyone only does it because they heard it’s cool.“69 is overhyped,” says Lexi Inks, ABS Certified Sexologist and sex educator.
“Not only does it take away focus from each person’s individual pleasure, but it makes it more difficult to communicate verbally, using eye contact, and with body language during oral sex. This makes it much more likely that neither party will reach climax.”Inks isn’t the only one who has strong opinions on avoiding 69. Heather Shannon, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and Host of the Sex For Couples podcast has similar feelings.“
It’s become more of a cultural joke that represents sexual activity like ‘Haha, sixty Niiiine’ than an actual pleasurable activity that people want to do a lot,” Shannon tells Cosmopolitan. “I think this is mostly because the split attention and mental focus required take away from your pleasure.”Not only do Inks and Shannon agree that 69 isn’t as cool as it sounds, they also agree on a move that’s a better alternative.“
I think mutual masturbation is very underrated,” Inks says. “The benefits are plenty: you can much more easily and quickly get yourself off via DIY, you can face each other and watch or lie side by side and talk each other through it, and it might even help you discover new techniques or ways your partner prefers to be touched.”Shannon adds that mutual masturbation isn’t only underrated, but also “under-utilized—often due to people feeling self-conscious about being watched.”“
It’s like having your own live porn show (but with someone you know and are into) while you’re trying to get off,” Shannon adds.Any position that requires you to be a gymnast.Not a specific position per se, but if you find yourself needing to be an acrobat in order to make a sex move work, chances are, it’s just not going to.“I think the most overhyped sex acts are those that prioritise performance over pleasure.
There's often an expectation that partnered sex has to look a certain way, be acrobatic, or follow a particular script,” says Mariàn Martinez, in-house sex coach at Smile Makers Collection.We’ve all been there—trying to overcomplicate positions because it’s something we think we should be doing, or something that we think our partner will find super hot. If it requires you being in more physical pain than necessary, and you’re more focused on appearing to be some type of sexy gymnast, then it’s time to reconsider the position.“
Positions that demand a lot of flexibility, balance or stamina can look exciting but often leave people concentrating more on holding themselves up than enjoying the sensations,” says Anna Richards, Founder of FrolicMe, while specifically discussing positions like the Wheelbarrow and Superman. “If you're focused on flexibility, holding yourself in place or wondering whether your hamstring is about to cramp, the opportunity for pleasure is lost.”
At the end of the day, finding sex positions that work are much more about imaginative ideas that feel good, as opposed to imaginative ideas that simply look cool.“Sexuality is nature and eroticism is imagination. Athletic sex can be very impressive but completely unimaginative, which takes out the eroticism,” says Marine Vernet, Psychotherapist, founder of The London Therapy Suites.Reverse Cowgirl (and other positions without eye contact).
When did we become so vapid that we can’t even look at each other while having sex? Isn’t it a connective experience, if nothing else? Positions like Reverse Cowgirl totally lose the plot, according to experts. You don’t always have to do something so performative in order for a pleasurable experience. Many of the experts we spoke to agree that eye contact is an underrated key factor when having sex.“
One of my favorite reports of 2025 was that Britain’s most-searched sex position was ‘missionary,’” says Noelle Perdue, Feeld's Digital Intimacy Historian. This could be read as ‘boring,’ but I see it more as evidence that sex doesn’t have to be complicated to be fulfilling. Classics are classics for a reason. I’ve joked before that missionary-with-eye-contact sex is the kinkiest you can get with a partner.”
And if you think missionary on its own is too boring, there are ways to keep it exciting and new without the need to be performative.“Placing a pillow beneath the hips during missionary, changing the angle of the pelvis or experimenting with leg placement can transform a position you've done countless times. Sometimes a small movement changes everything,” Richards advises.All in all, it’s about vulnerability, which, when you allow yourself to be, sex suddenly gets much sexier.“
Never discount the intensity of being emotionally vulnerable,” Purdue adds.Performative-based positions.Some partners expect you to be a porn star, and other times, we put the pressure on ourselves to act like one. If you’re simply performing for the sake of what you think you should look like, sound like, or act like, then the odds are ever against you to actually enjoy yourself.
Experts across the board recommend skipping the facade and, instead, finding something you both actually enjoy.“I think some positions become overhyped simply because they're visually iconic or regularly repeated in mainstream pornography, rather than because they're genuinely pleasurable for most people,” says Richards.That doesn’t mean you can’t be imagintive, creative and experimental.
Adding in elements like toys, lube, and new positions doesn’t need to be totally written off.“Of course, bring in the toys, try something you’re curious about, or stretch muscles you didn’t know existed if that’s what excites you,” Purdue adds. “Explore because it feels good, not because you feel like you have to.”Perhaps most importantly is keeping in mind that what might seem boring and bland for some, is exciting and erotic for others.“
An act that can be considered ‘vanilla’ to one, may be a highly-eroticized fetish to another,” says Sam Zia, Sex Therapist and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.At the end of the day, it’s finding what works best for you and your partner, a unique recipe that only exists between you.Standing SexWhen I first started experimenting sexually, my short-girl problems really duped me into believing standing sex was the hottest thing since sliced bread.
As a 5-feet tall girly, while it hasn’t solely been unsuccessful, standing sex has often been an awkward, I’m-about-to-fall-over experience. So, there was some validation in hearing that this unspoken, “movie-like” sex position is often an overhyped one.“Standing sex can be romanticised, because it feels so spontaneous and can absolutely be exciting in the right circumstances, but unless you're well matched in height or have something sturdy to lean against, it often becomes more about logistics than chemistry,” says Richards.
“There's nothing particularly sexy about trying not to lose your balance or being uncomfortable because your heights and angles are wrong.“There are definitely ways to make standing sex work, like doing it on the steps and leaning against a chair. But standing sex, on its own with no additional support, is often an awkward experience.Doggy-StyleOne of the most popular sex positions is doggy style, so this is not to yuck anyone’s yum, but more so, to not be afraid to admit if you don’t love it.
Better yet, there are ways to improve one of the most famed go-to sex moves.“Doggy style gets a lot of press, and it deserves some of it,” says Vernet. “But it's often chosen for how it looks rather than how it feels. There's no eye contact, no face, it's a position optimised for a camera that isn't in the room.”Vernet touches upon many of the overhyped positions on this list—doggy style can feel performance-based, lacks eye contact, and is popular for the sake of being popular.
But there are ways to enhance it if it’s something you truly enjoy.“Put a yoga bolster or a couple pillows under your chest in doggy style to free your arm up for stimulating yourself or your partner,” says Shannon.
