Buyer’s regret or remorse is common in the exchange of goods and services. A similar feeling can also creep into marriage, although the emotional consequences are far deeper. You meet someone, and they seem angelic. They tick all the boxes for you. Suddenly, five years into the marriage, their dark sides begin to emerge in full force. You start nursing regrets and wondering whether you made a mistake. It is a feeling that can be difficult to explain to anyone.
You both begin to keep up appearances and live like “partners”, as they call it abroad. Even sex is no longer fun. It becomes an exercise in ticking boxes. Some people begin to look outside their marriages for succour. They dress up more, attend events, talk to people more frequently, become more active on social media, and upload beautiful pictures that might attract potential suitors. It becomes a means of escapism, something people engage in consciously or unconsciously.
Sometimes, it innocently starts with having that opposite-sex “bestie” at work. That person you enjoy talking to. He or she has a way of distracting you from the rigours of your marriage. At some point, it crosses your mind that you like this person, but you choose to live in denial.
People working long shifts in the United Kingdom can find themselves in situations where emotional boundaries gradually become blurred. One day, the handshakes turn into hand-holding, then hugs, until one party becomes so attached to the other that they stick together like bedbugs.
There was a story making the rounds at a popular workplace in the UK about a married woman who allegedly slept with a close colleague during a night shift. According to unconfirmed reports, things escalated quickly during their break in the dead of night. They allegedly hid under a massive conference table in a meeting room, and the man invaded the ‘place’ viciously like a bandit. It was a big blast like Ukraine’s attack on energy facilities in Russia.
According to the mental pictures painted, he did it like the opportunity was never going to present itself again. There is a saying that: “There is no meat that is as sweet as a stolen one”; it comes with a different flavour, taste and satisfaction. That’s a joke, though.
Whether the story happened exactly as reported or not, it illustrates how a situation that begins as an innocent friendship can cross boundaries when attraction, opportunity, and poor judgement come together. Infidelity in marriage is not peculiar to any country. However, in some cases, people may remain in unhappy marriages because of practical considerations, including their immigration status. When that becomes part of the equation, the marriage can turn into something people endure rather than nurture.
When people make such mistakes, the experience can feel like love. They begin to imagine how much better life would have been if they had met the person they are cheating with earlier. The person having an affair may even claim to be unhappy in their marriage as a way of justifying their behaviour and satisfying their desires.
But is it really love, or is it the excitement of something new? Sometimes, what people interpret as love is simply infatuation, sexual attraction, or an escape from the problems they have refused to confront in their marriages.
Nobody is perfect. Beauty fades with time. The firm and pointed breasts you are tripping for today may fall like the Berlin Wall after childbirth. That unique shape that intrigues you may not remain the same forever. The money you love a man for might not be there tomorrow. He might not remain as fresh as Poco Lee after a couple of years.
But this is where commitment comes in. You learn to love the person beyond their physical appearance, financial status, and the excitement they brought into your life when you first met. You understand that marriage is not a destination; it is a journey that requires patience, sacrifice, forgiveness, and a willingness to keep choosing each other.
Of course, this does not mean that people should remain in abusive or irreparably broken marriages. Sometimes, relationships end, and people genuinely find love again. But there is a difference between leaving a marriage that has run its course and secretly pursuing another person while pretending to be committed to your spouse.
So, is there anything like finding the love of your life after marriage? It remains debatable.
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