I’m someone who isn’t ashamed of being single.
I’m 36, and I’ll be 37 in December.
The honest truth is that I’m single. I’m not currently dating anyone. It’s not because I don’t ask women out—I do. But I’m not someone who enjoys talking too much, and sometimes the thought of having to constantly communicate, explain myself, and maintain a relationship feels stressful to me. Maybe that is one of the reasons I have remained single for this long.
My lifestyle is also very regimented. I have a routine that is so predictable that someone can almost tell when I’m at home and when I’m not.
Money is another major issue.
I currently earn ₦200,000 a month before tax, and I don’t have a side hustle at the moment. Sometimes I look at my income and wonder how I’m supposed to build the kind of life people expect from someone approaching 40.
I have even lied about being in a relationship when I know I’m not.
I’ve told people I have two children, even though I have never had children. I did it because I wanted people to stop asking questions and putting pressure on me. But ironically, while trying to escape other people’s expectations, I think I have ended up putting even more pressure on myself.
For a long time, I genuinely enjoyed being single.
The peace was beautiful.
No relationship drama. No constant explanations. No arguments. No pressure.
But lately, that peace is beginning to feel like loneliness.
I miss having someone.
And that is difficult for me to admit.
Another thing about me is that I give up easily on relationships. I can enter a relationship today and, a month later, lose interest and walk away without even properly explaining to the woman why I’m leaving.
I know that isn't a good quality.
My life has also been somewhat of a slow journey.
I started school at 11. I finished secondary school at 22. I completed tertiary education at 32. I started my teaching job earning ₦20,000 a month, and today, at 36, I earn ₦200,000.
You would think that increasing my income would make life easier.
But every time my income increases, inflation seems to move the goalpost.
What used to feel like enough no longer feels like enough.
And then there is friendship.
I have always struggled with keeping friends. Even as a child, I realised I didn't really have a flair for friendship. Today, I honestly don't have anyone I can confidently call my close friend.
I even remember a time when I would give people money just so they would play with me.
Looking back, that hurts.
I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't party. I don't womanise.
At work, I joke around, interact with people and eat good food. From the outside, I probably look like someone who is doing just fine.
But deep down, there is a part of me that genuinely misses being in a relationship.
I can go an entire month without making or receiving a personal phone call. Most of the calls I receive or make are work-related because I’m one of the leaders at my workplace.
Sometimes I wonder how I got here.
I don't think I’m a bad person.
I don't think I’m unattractive.
I don't think I’m incapable of loving someone.
Maybe I just became too comfortable being alone.
Maybe I have built such a structured and independent life that making room for another person now feels difficult.
Or maybe I simply haven't figured out how to balance my personality, finances, career, friendships and relationships.
I don't know.
But lately, being single doesn't feel as peaceful as it used to.
It is starting to feel a little boring.
So I’m genuinely asking:
Are there other men who are like this?
Men in their 30s who don't drink, smoke, party or womanise.
Men who have very few or no close friends.
Men who have become so comfortable being alone that they don't know how to let someone into their lives.
Men who are not necessarily unhappy, but deep down, still miss having someone to come home to.
I’d really like to hear from you.
